Low libido is one of the most common sexual concerns that I see amongst cis-women. Many folks anticipate that is related to hormones and can be treated simply by using a pill. Although I can appreciate that we receive this messaging through mainstream media and we may also see cis-males receive a helpful medication, the solution is usually not so simple.
Hormonal shifts (postpartum, perimenopause, hormonal contraception), medications like SSRIs, chronic stress, pelvic pain, relationship dynamics, cultural beliefs about sex and pleasure, body image concerns, fatigue, and mental load all shape it. And so does disembodiment.
Disembodiment is a disconnection from the felt sense of one's own body. Pleasure is an embodied experience; it depends on noticing sensation, staying present with it, and letting it build. Many women learn early to relate to their bodies from the outside, as something to be looked at, judged, managed, or kept safe, rather than as something they live in and feel from the inside. Diet culture, body shame, purity messaging, trauma, and the constant self-monitoring that researchers call "spectatoring" can all pull attention away from sensation and into evaluation. When attention lives in the head instead of the body, arousal is practically impossible.
The encouraging part is that embodiment can be rebuilt, and it's often a more useful place to start than trying to "fix" desire directly. Practices that build interoception (the ability to sense internal body signals) help retrain attention toward felt experience. Examples include mindfulness, sensate focus exercises, breathwork, slow non-goal-oriented touch, and gentle movement. I often refer to this as building your libido muscle; it takes time and practice but - just like any weight training - you will reap the rewards! We are reframing pleasure as something to notice and allow, rather than something to perform or achieve. This allows arousal to show up naturally.
